Family Feuds can happen in the best of families.  When they do, they have the power to plunge you into a nightmare of bitterness and anger or they can be the door that opens to your greatest dreams.

The strategies I share here apply whether you are going through a divorce, a property dispute or any other legal drama between family members.

5 years ago, I was unhappily married and had  a vision of getting divorced and, at the same time, maintaining a family relationship with my ex-husband.  When I finally got the courage to tell my husband I wanted a divorce, it didn’t go well.

It got so bad at times that each of us threatened to call the police on each other more than once.  It was hard to imagine we’d ever be a family again.

I felt guilt and shame.  I had caused this to happen, and now, I was getting my comeuppance is what he told me and what I believed.  This was my punishment for leaving my marriage.  It was my fault.  Our kids would suffer for it, and I would just have to deal with it.

That hurt.  A lot.

Through it all, I held on to the vision of us as a family.  Sometimes, it was incredibly difficult to keep that vision in mind.  Sometimes, I wished he would just disappear.  I know he felt the same.

Despite all of that, I knew that there was nothing more important than somehow moving beyond all of it and becoming a family again in some way shape or form.

Boy, am I glad I held that vision.  Today, unbelievably, we are a family again.

We don’t live in the same house anymore, but we are on the same team.  Just the other night, he had a sleepover at my house with our son.  I feel love in my heart for him that surpasses what I felt in the later years of our marriage.  Our children are the beneficiaries.

It was a long, hard journey but one I am ever grateful for because through it, I learned powerful lessons that have helped me in every area of my life.

These lessons hold the keys to your joy.

1.  Stay Calm and Breathe.

I held my breath a lot when I was married.  Going through my divorce, I learned to breathe and remain centered.  If you haven’t tried yoga before, it can be a great way to learn how to do this in a non-emotionally stressful context even when your body is being extremely challenged.  You can take that experience into the emotional challenges that arise during any family fight.

When things escalate, if you can stay calm and breathe, you can remain in control of the situation.

2.  Choose Your Reaction.

In every moment, you have a choice.  Sometimes, it might not feel that way.  Especially when you are being screamed at or harassed.  You may feel as if you don’t have control, you are powerless, a victim.  You are falling apart.

In these moments, remember that you are not a victim.  You are always in control of your own reaction in every moment.  While you cannot control the person you are in relationship with, you can control yourself and the way you respond.

When you make the choice to respond from love, even when what is coming at you feels like the anti-thesis of love, you are standing in your own power.  This is where you will find your freedom.

Your practice in these moments when you feel victimized our out of control is to stay calm, breathe and respond from love.

If you cannot respond from love, take a time out.  Walk away.  Disengage and come back to the situation when you are centered.

3.  Remember Who You Are.

When it is most difficult to respond from love, it’s generally because you have forgotten the truth of your own nature.  You have forgotten that you are love.  You are freedom.  You are generosity.  No one can take that away from you.

The pain you are feeling is related to the disconnection from your own truth.  The good news is that if you’ve gotten away from the truth of who you are, it’s never too late to return to it.  When you do, a lightness will replace the pain, darkness and heaviness that is keeping you embroiled in your conflict.

I’m fortunate in that I have a very dear friend who reminds me about the truth of who I am when I forget it.  She reminds me that I am love, I am generosity and I am freedom.

4.  Block Out People Who Bring You Down.

If you are like most people, your friends don’t help you stay in contact with your highest self.  Instead, they remind you about how you’ve been wronged, victimized and taken advantage of.  When you hear those words, it’s a red flag that you need to thank the person you are talking with and walk away.  Then, come back and read this.

You are love.  You are freedom.  You are generosity.  Slowly, breathe that in and let it saturate your lungs, make its way into your heart and radiate through your body out to your fingers and toes.  As you breathe out, repeat the following 4 simple phrases until you once again remember the truth of who you are and then let me know what happens for you when you do.

“I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You, I Love You”

It’s called Burning Man, and I’ve been wanting to go for years, but my kids weren’t old enough.  They are now, and it’s our big summer vacation.

Read my personal blog If you are wondering how bringing my kids to Burning Man is all about passing on my family values.

Are You in the Midst of a Family Feud?

Family feuds can be painful.  Or, they can be amazing opportunities for growth.  My article below will help you make your next (or current) family feud the pathway to your freedom.

We lost $125 in literally 10 minutes at the craps tables.  That was enough for us.  We didn’t gamble the rest of the weekend.

We did, however, go see Bryan Adams and Rod Stewart on Saturday night.  2nd row, baby.  It was fantastic.

I am a huge Bryan Adams fan, and Dave loves Rod, so it was perfect.  I literally cried when Bryan sang “Everything I Do.”  If you want to see a quick 1 minute clip of him up close and personal, click here to check it out.

I also managed to record Rod’s entire “Do You Think I’m Sexy” - check that out here.

We stayed at the gorgeous Wynn hotel, lounged by the pool and just enjoyed ourselves. I hope you get some time to do that this summer too!

Need to Save Some Money?  Here Are a Few Every Day Ways.

Personally, I’m horrible at using coupons and seeking out little ways to save money.  My thinking about it is that I’d rather spend my time looking for ways to create big pay days instead of finding ways to save pennies.  But I know many of you like it, so if you’re going to spend your time doing it anyway, you might as well make it fun!

This week’s article gives you some ideas on how to do that.

Have a magnificent week!

Having said all that, if you are going to clip coupons and seek out the best deals, you may as well make it fun and as easy as possible.  So, with a little help from my friends on Twitter, I’ve put together a few tips for you.

1.  No more clipping coupons!

One of the reasons I stopped clipping coupons is because I’d spend all day Sunday going through the coupons and clipping them only to forget them when I went shopping.  Well, if you go to http://www.cellfire.com/ and sign up, that’s no longer an issue as long as you have a cell phone with you when you shop.  Cellfire puts coupons right into your phone!  Now, that’s cool!

2. Find the Cheapest Gas Without Driving Around Looking!

Before you go get gas, check http://www.gasbuddy.com to find the lowest station prices in your area and, then, compare it to Costco.  If you are going to go to Costco, consider the executive membership, which gives you 2% cash back on purchases, but that doesn’t include gas and the American Express card for another 1% back, which does apply to gas.

3.  Make it a game.

Play the Grocery Game and the Drugstore Game.  These games allow you to make the most of your coupon clipping and, while they can take a lot of time to play, it can be fun, and you can get a lot of stuff for free.  Check out http://www.thegrocerygame.com, which is a paid service and http://www.ChiefFamilyOfficer.com for all the rules of the free Drugstore Game.

And, hey, if you end up making a mint with your savings, let me know, maybe I’ll get in the game too.

His Last Lecture went on to be translated into 7 languages, made into a book, over 10,000,000 people watched the video, the NY Times created a contest around it, and it even garnered him an appearance on Oprah.

Randy never intended so many people to receive this last lecture.  As he says, he wrote it for only three people, his sons.

What was it we loved so much about Randy Pausch’s brave attempt to cram a lifetime of lessons for his children into the limited time he knew he had left?

It has some connection to the recent global study conducted by HSBC Insurance, which indicated that 90% of people surveyed globally want to leave behind something far more valuable than their money.  They want to leave behind their perspective on life.

Interesting note:  In the US, the number of people wanting to primarily leave behind the almighty dollar was a little higher with 26 percent of pre-retirement folks and 39 percent of retirees wanting to focus on the money they’ll leave behind.

The vast majority of people said what they want to leave behind is what Randy Pausch so brilliantly left for his children.  It’s far more valuable than money.  But, unlike money, it can be difficult to capture and pass on.  And most of us will fail miserably because we won’t be given 3-6 months to live as Randy was, and so day by day, we’ll live our lives never thinking about the end.  And, then, it will be too late.

My dad certainly would have said that he wanted his heirs to inherit his perspective on life and, yet, what did he do to ensure that would happen?  Nothing.  He didn’t leave letters, video recordings, audio recordings or anything that would remind us of what he would do, think or say in any given situation.

Sure, we have our memories, but those become twisted over time by our own perceptions (or misperceptions) as they may be.  As a result, our children and their children will never have any real idea about who he was and what’s important to him.

All of that of course is water under the bridge.  Nothing can be done about it now.  But it’s not too late for you.

If you are part of the vast majority of people who say you want to leave behind something much greater than your money, what are you doing about it?  And when are you starting?

Your Personal Family Lawyer has a simple process he or she will use with you called a Priceless Conversation that in just 30 or so minutes will capture, record and document your own Last Lecture.  And over your lifetime, each year you can have a new Priceless Conversation and create a true Legacy Library for the people you love.

If you are an IndyMac depositor, there is no need for you to line up at the bank as many others have done and demand the return of your money.  This is a pure waste of your time and only contributes to the unnecessary drama and fearmongering happening out there.

IndyMac Bank has been put under the control of the federal government and deposits are insured by the Federal Deposit Insurance Corp. (or FDIC).

You should read this from the FDIC to IndyMac depositors to determine what you will need to do to submit a claim for your funds.

As long as you had less than $100,000 in the bank, all of your deposits should be fully covered by the FDIC insurance.

In some cases, like if you have a properly drafted and funding living trust, you may qualify for even more insurance coverage.  This is exactly the type of situation where you want to contact your Personal Family Lawyer to make sure you’ve done everything right to maximize the protection of your assets.

In fact, Personal Family Lawyers throughout the country are providing trust reviews for a limited number of non-customers at no charge.  Contact your Personal Family Lawyer to determine whether you can get on the calendar for a free FDIC-coverage review of your estate plan.

There’s no need for you to start withdrawing deposits from other banking institutions either.  Your mattress is NOT the safest place for your money.

Here’s what you should do to make sure your money is as safe as possible.

1.  Use the FDIC online calculator to determine the amount of insurance coverage on your accounts.  If you need help with this (it is a bit complicated), contact your personal lawyer for guidance.

2.  Maximize your FDIC insurance coverage!  A properly drafted and funded trust can get you a whole lot more insurance coverage than an account owned in your name.

3.  If you have more than $100,000 in cash accounts, talk with your Personal Family Lawyer about how you can protect the excess in case your bank fails too.

More than anything, do not panic.  Be proactive and get the information you need to be smart.  And, don’t act from fear.

What should you do?

Well, before we talk about that, let’s talk about what you absolutely shouldn’t do.  And that’s just to bury your head in the sand, leave your keys on the counter and walk away!

It’s not only the chicken way out, it also leaves you in the worst possible situation because you have options and, if you don’t seek them out, you are making a bad situation worse.

So, here’s four steps to take if you are facing foreclosure or think you might be in the future:

1.  Ask for help!

There is no better way to get what you want than to ask.  Most of us are too afraid or ashamed to ask for help and so we give up and give in before exploring all of our options.

You have nothing to be ashamed of and you don’t need to be afraid.  When you ask for help, you will get the help you need.  But, you’ve got to ask first.

2.  Don’t get conned.

You do need to be aware of people who will try to prey on your circumstances.  This can be a time of confusion, worry and fear for you.  And you must not allow this fear to cause you to make bad decisions.

But how do you know what’s a bad decision?

Well, first off, never sign any legal documents without having them reviewed by a trusted lawyer.  While you may think having a personal lawyer is not accessible or affordable to you, it’s not true.  A personal lawyer can save you tens or even hundreds of thousands of dollars over your lifetime by saving you from bad decisions.  Find a lawyer who won’t bill you hourly and you can turn to throughout your lifetime before making important financial and legal decisions here.

And never, never, never sign over the deed to your home without talking to a lawyer.  Doing so could cost you and your family dearly.

3.  Get help from trustworthy sources.

There are some trustworthy sources to turn to if you are facing foreclosure.  Start with these:

Gold Cross of America

USA Freedom Corps

Neighborhood Assistance Corporation of America

Homeowner’s Hope

Acorn Housing

And, even when working with a trusted resource, don’t enter into any agreement without first talking to your own personal lawyer first.  This is a scary time for you, but with good advice and trusted guidance, you can come through the other side in a better position than before and ready for massive success in your life.

4.  Keep your chin up!

I know this seems like the worst thing that could possibly happen to you, but you can choose to see it a different way.

Look at this as an opportunity for growth and learning and see it as the first step on your journey towards the life of your dreams.

Many famous and very successful people have experienced bankruptcy and faced foreclosure.  And several of them have even been heard to say that it’s a rite of passage.

The real test is whether you can get back up, brush yourself off and create something even more amazing.  You can, but not if you bury your head in the sand, don’t take responsibility and act like a chicken!

Hold your head high, take responsibility, ask for help and make this the turning point of your life.

And, before you can do that, you have to want to.

So, ask yourself right now how your financial fears are holding you back in your life.  I know that for me, financial fears have impacted my life in a number of ways.

When I was in financial fear, I didn’t feel worthy of everything the world had to offer.  I found myself waiting in long lines, sitting in middle seats in the back of the airplane, hiring the wrong people, or - even worse - doing everything myself, associating with the wrong people, even marrying the wrong guy.  How are your fears holding you back?

You see, my fear of not having enough resulted in me feeling as if I was not enough.

As a result of this fear, I often felt grumpy, impatient, and frustrated.  I imposed these feelings on everyone around me, from my kids to my team members to my spouse.  I was resentful and angry.  All because I was afraid of running out of money.

Financial fear is one of the most insidious fears there are because from the outside it can seem justified.  The whole world seems to be screaming RECESSION, GAS PRICES, GROCERIES, TAXES.  Conserve your money, hoard it, save it for a rainy day.  Cut your expenses.  Financial fear is not only supported, it seems to be encouraged.

You watch the nightly news, and all they can talk about is the doom and gloom.  And, like I did, you are buying into it.

Over the next few weeks, I’ll share how I broke free of the lack and limitation mentality that was holding me back.  Today, I feel at peace, confident, secure, and free of worry about not having or being enough.  I’m not saying it was easy.  To the contrary; it required a huge reprogramming of the junk that’s been drilled into my head since I was born.  But, if I could do it, you can too.

Let today be the day you stop buying into the propaganda and recognize that he sky is not falling.  You are not going to run out of money.  You are resourceful and live in a time of abundance and plenty.

For the balance of July (hereby declared freedom month!), my Family Wealth articles will center on your financial freedom.  First, we’ll talk about financial freedom if you are facing foreclosure, then financial freedom if you are drowning in debt, and last how to start your financial freedom now and retire the right way, sooner than you think possible.

If you have particular financial fears you want addressed during this series, be sure to post on my blog so I can personally help you.

For now, I recommend you stop watching the news and reading the newspaper.  And, if you just can’t do that, look for the good in what you read.  It’s out there.